Monday, August 24, 2009

I have hair on my balls and I sell cars




Hi I'm the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will. This is definetly a prime example of my tagline. The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard.



This movie had a lot going for it. Seriously. Take the people behind the camera. You got the writer and director of Talladega Nights and Anchorman (two of the funniest movies ever) and the writer and director of Step Brothers (a obscenly raunchy funny film) with other writers stemming from comedies such as Chapelle Show and other comedy central powerhouses. You got David Koechner, Will Farell, Jeremy Piven, Dr. Ken, Ving Rhames and Ed Helms. To anybody else that would seem like the funniest movie of all time...

...on paper. See that's the biggest problem with the movie! They have such great talent and writing, in yet they decide to phone it in. The plot is atrociously bad. It hasn't done anything over the top or completly unrealistic, but honestly it hasn't done anything. Its like if they did mad libs and then turned that into a script.

"Enter ______. He is a ______ with a ________ problem. He is helped by a group of ______ who help out a ________ who is about to be _______. Enter _____, the bad guys who want to take over the _______. Now its up to _______ and his group of _______ to save the day!"

That sound familiar? That could be any sappy mediocre sports movie! And this is about car salesmen! Honestly you could quote the movie without actually having to watch it. It is a shame too considering the writers. And its odd too since the previews were so piss your pants funny. But thats the second problem:

The trailers are funnier than the entire hour and a half movie. That two minute preview you've probably watched is all you need to see. Because the other 1 and 28 minutes is just dry as the Sahara desert. There is no jokes, no humor, no surprises, no character development...in fact the characters get worse and more unlikeable as the movie went on. I actually walked out of the movie to use the bathroom and was half tempted to just walk into Inglourious Basterds playing at the theatre next to ours and never go back into the Goods. It would have been the first movie i ever walked out of. And its not because of the content. Ive seen Bruno, Borat and Clerks 2. Ive seen the pain olympics and plenty of other shocking stuff. Nothing gets to me content wise. But the problem with the goods is there is no content. Its dry, blank and completly boring with the exception of the two minutes that you saw in the trailers sprinkled across the movie.

Jeremy Piven is a bad actor though. Im just going to be honest with you. He cant act...in films. See you get him to play Ari Gold in Entourage or go onto an episode of WWE wrestling and he's great. He's funny, a smart ass, clever, and great to watch. He deserves all the awards he has gotten for Entourage. Outside of Entourage or wrestling he cant act worth a diddly. Well thats not true. He cant act ANYMORE.

Before Entourage he had a pretty big list of movies he did going all the way back to 1986 and some of them were really good movies and after I watched some of them, I noticed he had some decent acting chops. He was also pretty interesting as Spence Kovak, Ellen's cousin on the Ellen Show who also appeared in multiple other award winning shows as a reoccuring character or a guest star. He was good in all these roles. But then in 2004 he landed his role of his lifetime as Ari Gold and from then on every role afterwards had to be an off shoot of Ari Gold.

Smoking Aces: Ari Gold but more pissed off and drugged out
RocknRolla: Ari Gold but...well he just was a poor mans Ari Gold in that movie
The Kingdom: Ari Gold if he was a wimp ambassodor.
See what I mean?! And this movie was no different. It was Ari Gold as a car salesmen. But if you mix a bad script with his bad acting you get a recipe for disaster.
I had higher hopes for this movie but honestly I couldn't reccomend it to anyone to see. Its not worth your money, your time or anything actually. The people doing the movie treated it like nothing so you should do as such.
MY RATING: ABOMINATION TO CINEMA

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