Hello I am the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will.
Now I have about 6 more lists geared up for my "Best of 2010" special but I figure since I already announced what I thought were the best movies, my next two lists would be dedicated to the worst and most disappointing movies of 2010. What is the difference this time around? Well Worst Movie is pretty self-explanitory. It's the worst of the worst, the films that were physically, emotionally or mentally painful to sit through. Films that have (or at least the top 3) scarred me for life in some extent. Most Disappointing however means movies that may not have been all that bad (in some cases they were though) but whether it's because of the cast/director/writers or the hype and marketing surrounding it, I expected more and left the theater less then enthusiastic. First up is the crap of the crop my...
WORST MOVIES OF 2010...
10. Vampires Suck-
The Twilight series is an easy target. It's melodramatic, has actors with the emotional range of drywall, has horrid special effects and can be quite boring from start to finish. Now while I personally believe the franchise has gotten better, it's entered that special "It was good...for a (blank) film" category which means compared to most normal movies, it's still terrible. So how could Friedberg/Seltzer of the "Disaster/Date/Epic Movie" series screw it up so bad. I mean their other films were terrible, but that was when they were trying to write jokes that appealed to today's popular culture. Here you had three movies with jokes that write themselves. Instead what we got was a humorless, boring film that still tried too hard to stuff current pop culture into their films. Uwe Boll could have made a better movie and honestly he's leaps and bounds better then these guys. Congrats Friedberg/Seltzer, you earned your spot.
9. The Spy Next Door-
Why is it that China gets all the good Jackie Chan movies lately? I realize that's where most of his fans are but as a lifelong fan of his it's sad to see his American films suck in comparison to his Chinese films. Anyone who has seen Little Big Soldier or the Shinjuku Incident (I love Chinese cinema) would know he is still amazing over there as a leading man. The only films we get over here are a decent remake of an 80s classic and this abysmal film: The Spy Next Door. I will say it's not entirely Jackie's fault though as he tries his hardest to make the movie good. But throw in an annoying George Lopez, Billy Ray Cyrus and bratty kids and any effort that Jackie does seems moot. Well hopefully we see more of his Chinese releases over here in the states but until then...this is what we got.
Usually if a movie gets continually pushed back, my hopes get dashed out the window. There are rare exceptions (see Shutter Island) but usually the signs aren't good. They are even worse when two of your stars are disgraced rappers and the rest of your stars are C maybe B list stars. But I was willing to give this film a shot. I mean looks aren't everything. But then I watched this film and for the first twenty or so minutes it wasn't bad. It was the typical cat and mouse multiple heist movie. But when the middle of the movie kicked in, specifically the "big heist" the film is leading up to, the movie nose dives into stupidity. First T.I. feels the need to be the hype man during the heist basically doing his best Flavor Flav impression. Then you add in multiple sacrifice scenes which prove to be completely stupid and logically bare and then an ending that goes "Well we ran out of time" and you got an abysmal film from start to finish.
I knew jack about this movie until it was released. To me it just looked like a low budget film with big budget special effects. And what do you know that's exactly what it was. The film was devoid of any real character development, plot or reason to care about what was going on, it's only saving grace being it's special effects which, compared to the many films it's trying so desperately to be, is weak itself. Oh well...this film will be forgotten by the time Battle: Los Angeles comes out.
6. Furry Vengeance-
So this is what they showed to the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay right? Because it felt like torture sitting through it. Brendan Frasier is a competent actor but him being basically bullied, beaten and forced into submission until he gave into the animals whims was not fun for anyone. A sad, sad film from an increasingly sad, sad actor.
5. Sex and the City 2-
The fact that there are films worse then this is disturbing. Rich, white woman complaining about being rich, white woman while strutting around in a foreign country riddled with racist stereotypes and a former ex (we need a plot somewhere right?) is just not fun to watch. Everything about this movie is dismal. I pray that this is the last time we see these woman or I may just lose the will to live.
4. The Wolfman-
I'm going to tell you right now that this is not only one of the worst films of the year but my most disappointing film of the year. Why? Because it had so much going for it. Great actors and actresses both young and old, writers who have done lots of great work, a director who has had over 40 years in the business and a horror movie icon that people have been dying to see, or at least I have. In a time where werewolves are 17 year old kids with a 12 pack, it was nice to see a feral, evil werewolf that showed why people once feared these creatures. On top of that it had a great ad campaign, wonderful posters, trailers that were tense and exciting and a studio that was all but pushing this film into the spotlight. But then it came out. People flocked to the cinema in herds and what they got was a hard to see, laughably written, horribly acted (save for Hugo Weaving), tame for an R rating horror film that, when it wasn't put to sleep boring, was bang your head against the seat stupid. It garnered such hate at my screening that half of the audience walked out and one patron threw a trashcan through a window in anger. It left a bitter taste in everyone's mouth and was a film that everyone immediately regretted watching. A sad day for horror/monster movie fans.
3. The Last Airbender-
When I walked out of the movie theater I felt nothing. Even if the movie was terrible I usually felt something. No, I felt absolutely nothing. I felt like two hours of my life disappeared and were never to be seen again. If that's not a sign of the quality of the film, I honestly don't know what is.
2. Cats and Dogs 2: The Revenge of Kitty Galore-
I have young family members and when most of the movies playing are too extreme for them I will take them to a film for younger audiences. Usually they are harmless entertainment, something they will get a kick out of and I might get a chuckle out of. In the case of Cats and Dogs 2...none of us were amused. They were bored, I was bored, the jokes were lame even to kids and afterwards I felt like 30 dollars of my money had just floated away into the hands of the studio that made this. Well congratulations, you made a sequel to a lame movie that was even more lame then the original that nobody, not even the youngest and most malleable kids would enjoy. At least Airbender had decent special effects. This movies effects SUCKED!!
1. Yogi Bear-
This movie was a travesty. Everything about it was abysmal hogwash. Every line made me angrier and angrier to the point where I wanted to go punch the projectionist for forcing me to sit through this. I actually wanted a refund, and I saw this for free. I wanted to get my mind erased so I would never have to think about Yogi Bear again. Smarter then the average bear, he says? Well maybe he should have written this movie because to me it seems like it was written by lobotomized chimps. Dan Akroyd should go throw himself off a bridge for doing this movie. He is a damn good actor who has done some of my all time favorites. But this phoned in (almost literally to me because he sounded garbled at times) performance shows how apparently desperate for cash he is. And Justin...you refuse to make another album but you will do this movie no sweat. I must have misjudged you. I thought you were a person with character who wanted to not only be a successful musical artist but also a serious actor. Hell I thought your performance in the Social Network was great. But apparently you must be strapped for cash, or completely stupid because this film did nothing but hurt your career. Even the live actors deserve to be thrown in jail, or at least beaten for doing this movie. I left the cinema in such a blind fury that I wanted to go find a stuffed bear and rip it to shreds.
Move over Ghost Ship you have new competition for the movie that messed me up the most. Go ahead Yogi, keep pointing and smiling you smug b*****d. If you want to know how I feel in visual form then watch this:
Ahem...now that I got that out of the way (sorry if I got a little angry during that write up) let's move on to my
Most Disappointing Movies of 2010...
10. Clash of the Titans-
9. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time-
8. The Last Airbender-
7. Due Date-
6. Tron: Legacy-
5. Iron Man 2-
4. Alice in Wonderland
3. The Tourist-
2. Robin Hood-
1. The Wolfman-
Well that does it for my Worst/Most Disappointing Movies of 2010 list. I'll be back tomorrow with more of my Top/Best lists of 2010. Hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think in the comments.