Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Worst/Most Disappointing Movies of 2010

Hello I am the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will.

Now I have about 6 more lists geared up for my "Best of 2010" special but I figure since I already announced what I thought were the best movies, my next two lists would be dedicated to the worst and most disappointing movies of 2010. What is the difference this time around? Well Worst Movie is pretty self-explanitory. It's the worst of the worst, the films that were physically, emotionally or mentally painful to sit through. Films that have (or at least the top 3) scarred me for life in some extent. Most Disappointing however means movies that may not have been all that bad (in some cases they were though) but whether it's because of the cast/director/writers or the hype and marketing surrounding it, I expected more and left the theater less then enthusiastic. First up is the crap of the crop my...



10. Vampires Suck-
 The Twilight series is an easy target. It's melodramatic, has actors with the emotional range of drywall, has horrid special effects and can be quite boring from start to finish. Now while I personally believe the franchise has gotten better, it's entered that special "It was good...for a (blank) film" category which means compared to most normal movies, it's still terrible. So how could Friedberg/Seltzer of the "Disaster/Date/Epic Movie" series screw it up so bad. I mean their other films were terrible, but that was when they were trying to write jokes that appealed to today's popular culture. Here you had three movies with jokes that write themselves. Instead what we got was a humorless, boring film that still tried too hard to stuff current pop culture into their films. Uwe Boll could have made a better movie and honestly he's leaps and bounds better then these guys. Congrats Friedberg/Seltzer, you earned your spot.

9. The Spy Next Door-
 Why is it that China gets all the good Jackie Chan movies lately? I realize that's where most of his fans are but as a lifelong fan of his it's sad to see his American films suck in comparison to his Chinese films. Anyone who has seen Little Big Soldier or the Shinjuku Incident (I love Chinese cinema) would know he is still amazing over there as a leading man. The only films we get over here are a decent remake of an 80s classic and this abysmal film: The Spy Next Door. I will say it's not entirely Jackie's fault though as he tries his hardest to make the movie good. But throw in an annoying George Lopez, Billy Ray Cyrus and bratty kids and any effort that Jackie does seems moot. Well hopefully we see more of his Chinese releases over here in the states but until then...this is what we got.

8. Takers-
 Usually if a movie gets continually pushed back, my hopes get dashed out the window. There are rare exceptions (see Shutter Island) but usually the signs aren't good. They are even worse when two of your stars are disgraced rappers and the rest of your stars are C maybe B list stars. But I was willing to give this film a shot. I mean looks aren't everything. But then I watched this film and for the first twenty or so minutes it wasn't bad. It was the typical cat and mouse multiple heist movie. But when the middle of the movie kicked in, specifically the "big heist" the film is leading up to, the movie nose dives into stupidity. First T.I. feels the need to be the hype man during the heist basically doing his best Flavor Flav impression. Then you add in multiple sacrifice scenes which prove to be completely stupid and logically bare and then an ending that goes "Well we ran out of time" and you got an abysmal film from start to finish.

7. Skyline-
 I knew jack about this movie until it was released. To me it just looked like a low budget film with big budget special effects. And what do you know that's exactly what it was. The film was devoid of any real character development, plot or reason to care about what was going on, it's only saving grace being it's special effects which, compared to the many films it's trying so desperately to be, is weak itself. Oh well...this film will be forgotten by the time Battle: Los Angeles comes out.

6. Furry Vengeance-
 So this is what they showed to the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay right? Because it felt like torture sitting through it. Brendan Frasier is a competent actor but him being basically bullied, beaten and forced into submission until he gave into the animals whims was not fun for anyone. A sad, sad film from an increasingly sad, sad actor.

5. Sex and the City 2-
The fact that there are films worse then this is disturbing. Rich, white woman complaining about being rich, white woman while strutting around in a foreign country riddled with racist stereotypes and a former ex (we need a plot somewhere right?) is just not fun to watch. Everything about this movie is dismal. I pray that this is the last time we see these woman or I may just lose the will to live.

4. The Wolfman-
 I'm going to tell you right now that this is not only one of the worst films of the year but my most disappointing film of the year. Why? Because it had so much going for it. Great actors and actresses both young and old, writers who have done lots of great work, a director who has had over 40 years in the business and a horror movie icon that people have been dying to see, or at least I have. In a time where werewolves are 17 year old kids with a 12 pack, it was nice to see a feral, evil werewolf that showed why people once feared these creatures. On top of that it had a great ad campaign, wonderful posters, trailers that were tense and exciting and a studio that was all but pushing this film into the spotlight. But then it came out. People flocked to the cinema in herds and what they got was a hard to see, laughably written, horribly acted (save for Hugo Weaving), tame for an R rating horror film that, when it wasn't put to sleep boring, was bang your head against the seat stupid. It garnered such hate at my screening that half of the audience walked out and one patron threw a trashcan through a window in anger. It left a bitter taste in everyone's mouth and was a film that everyone immediately regretted watching. A sad day for horror/monster movie fans.

3. The Last Airbender-
 When I walked out of the movie theater I felt nothing. Even if the movie was terrible I usually felt something. No, I felt absolutely nothing. I felt like two hours of my life disappeared and were never to be seen again. If that's not a sign of the quality of the film, I honestly don't know what is.

2. Cats and Dogs 2: The Revenge of Kitty Galore-
 I have young family members and when most of the movies playing are too extreme for them I will take them to a film for younger audiences. Usually they are harmless entertainment, something they will get a kick out of and I might get a chuckle out of. In the case of Cats and Dogs 2...none of us were amused. They were bored, I was bored, the jokes were lame even to kids and afterwards I felt like 30 dollars of my money had just floated away into the hands of the studio that made this. Well congratulations, you made a sequel to a lame movie that was even more lame then the original that nobody, not even the youngest and most malleable kids would enjoy. At least Airbender had decent special effects. This movies effects SUCKED!!

1. Yogi Bear-
This movie was a travesty. Everything about it was abysmal hogwash. Every line made me angrier and angrier to the point where I wanted to go punch the projectionist for forcing me to sit through this. I actually wanted a refund, and I saw this for free. I wanted to get my mind erased so I would never have to think about Yogi Bear again. Smarter then the average bear, he says? Well maybe he should have written this movie because to me it seems like it was written by lobotomized chimps. Dan Akroyd should go throw himself off a bridge for doing this movie. He is a damn good actor who has done some of my all time favorites. But this phoned in (almost literally to me because he sounded garbled at times) performance shows how apparently desperate for cash he is. And refuse to make another album but you will do this movie no sweat. I must have misjudged you. I thought you were a person with character who wanted to not only be a successful musical artist but also a serious actor. Hell I thought your performance in the Social Network was great. But apparently you must be strapped for cash, or completely stupid because this film did nothing but hurt your career. Even the live actors deserve to be thrown in jail, or at least beaten for doing this movie. I left the cinema in such a blind fury that I wanted to go find a stuffed bear and rip it to shreds.

Move over Ghost Ship you have new competition for the movie that messed me up the most. Go ahead Yogi, keep pointing and smiling you smug b*****d. If you want to know how I feel in visual form then watch this: that I got that out of the way (sorry if I got a little angry during that write up) let's move on to my

Most Disappointing Movies of 2010...


10. Clash of the Titans-
 Now don't get me wrong, Clash of the Titans is not a horrible movie. In fact it seems I am one of the few who actually enjoyed it. That being said however the film was still disappointing for two reasons: one, the Krakken was severely underused to the point where it was almost a blink and you miss it cameo and two, it took itself way too seriously. It was based on one of the all time camp classics and you'd think with that knowledge that they would make the movie purposefully campy, or at least not the seriousness doom and gloom movie we end up getting. Nameless characters die left and right, Worthington garbles most of his lines through his teeth and there are some pretty dark moments in this film. I'm not saying I wanted a comedy by any means but if this movie would have taken itself less seriously, so would have the audience and it may have been better. If your audience is afraid to laugh at your joke lines, it's too serious. They ARE making a sequel and hopefully with that, they will improve on most of their faults.

9. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time-
 Maybe I shouldn't be surprised it's on my list. But what does surprise me is how excited I was for this movie. The previews made it out to be the savior of the long line of crappy video game movie releases we seem to have been inundated with (Doom being the only enjoyable one). Hell I was willing to give Jake the benefit of the doubt since he is a genuinely talented actor. But alas what we got was a well acted but jumbled mess with odd comic relief, a laughable love story, a one trick pony visual effect and the most obvious villain in film history. Not bad, but certainly not memorable.

8. The Last Airbender-
 Not only is this movie horrible (see above) but it's also a major disappointment. Avatar: The Last Airbender is one of the most memorable cartoons in recent history. It has a rich and well developed story full of great characters, exciting battles and thought provoking moral issues. Some people figured just putting the cartoon on the screen would have been good enough. But M. Night Shyamalan wanted to make it live action. I was hesitant at first but he said he was a huge fan of the show so what's the worst that could happen? Make all of the characters Caucasian or Indian, condense a whole season into two hours, throw away any character development, put inexperienced actors behind the camera with little to no emotional range and horrible writing. Yeah...that's the worst that could happen. But the reason it's higher on my list and not down towards the bottom is in the back of my mind, after seeing the cast and knowing what M. Night was capable of, I almost knew I was in for a disaster. If I hadn't had that knowledge beforehand, it may have been number 2.

7. Due Date-
 Robert Downey Jr is funny. Zach Galifianakis is funny. Todd Phillips is a good director who makes funny films. So why is this devoid of laughter? Why is it so boring? Why is Ethan Trembley make me want to punch walls. Why did I feel like the movie should have ended after 20 minutes? Why are there so many plotholes, unanswered questions or unnecessary side stories? Why is all the funny jokes in the trailers? I don't know but I asked myself these questions over and over and over and couldn't find an answer. It should have been good...but it just wasn't. Sigh...

6. Tron: Legacy-
 Tron: Legacy isn't a bad movie. In fact if you read my review of it, you would know that I liked it. But that's just the thing...I LIKED it. The original Tron is one of my all time favorites and despite it's dated graphics and cheesy story it is an amazing film. And when I heard they were making a sequel, 20 odd something years later, with our current and best visual effects technology, and they were bringing back Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner and Daft Punk was scoring the whole thing I damn near wet myself. It seemed like something that would be mind blowingly awesome and the trailers and the hype leading up to it definitely only cemented that notion. I waited with bated breath for the thing to come out and when it did I was first in line. When I left the theater however I uttered this phrase: "It wasn't bad, but it certainly wasn't great either." That's something no Tron fan wants to say. And for that, this film was a disappointment. The soundtrack though lived up to the hype...if you care.

5. Iron Man 2-
One of the biggest blockbusters of 2008, Iron Man went from a somewhat unknown superhero with an Ozzy Osbourne song to a household name overnight. The film was epic from beginning to end and was the last film I remember my dad actually liking (which is like a miracle in and of itself). And when news of a sequel came I was ecstatic. The trailers were epic, Mickey Rourke looked epic, the new effects and suit looked epic...pretty much everything about this film seemed epic. And I loved this film. I gave it 4 out of 5 stars. But there was one nagging problem: it wasn't as epic as the first one. Maybe it was a case of sequel-itis but it just lacked that excitement that I had with the first one. The most quotable line was cut out, parts dragged on longer than they should have, Mickey Rourke was a waste, the end fight was lame, ScarJo was underused and the father side story seemed like something the first movie should have had, not this one. So in that sense, the film was great, but also a disappointment.

4. Alice in Wonderland
 Call me crazy but I got excited about this film. Alice in Wonderland was a great film and a definite Disney classic but I've been wanting to see someone try to remake it. The mini-series Alice was a great example of how to do it right and after watching that I figured Burton's would be just as good if not better. I mean it's Burton and Depp. The man who made me fall in love with Sweeney Todd all over again. The man whose middle name is darkly awesome. The man who made Christmas creepy. was not better than fact it wasn't even that good. It took a dump not only on the source material but on the original Disney classic as well. Call me overly sensitive but trampling the main reason people are seeing your movie is not a smart decision. Also was it just me or was it waaay to creepy for it's own good. It calls itself a kids film but for a kids film it was still really dark. Add in throwaway cameos of many of Burton's other collaborators, a scenery eating Depp and Mrs. Burton and an annoying Avril Lavigne theme song and you got a film that just makes me sad.

3. The Tourist- 
 Before I say anything let me say this: I love Johnny Depp. I think he is not only a great actor but a great guy. I figure I'd say that since I'm trashing his two big movies he came out with this year. The Tourist was a film with SO much promise. You have a film directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, a screenplay by Christopher McQuarrie (The Usual Suspects, Valkyrie) and Julian Fellowes (Gosford Park) and starring Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie based on an amazing French film called Anthony Zimmer. By name alone this should have been an amazing film. The trailers were certainly awesome for it and the posters and stills just as impressive. But instead of the amazing film that should have been, we got a mediocre film whose biggest crime is that it's boring almost to the point of tears. It's well acted but fails to cause any real excitement and any attempts at twists are called way in advance and lack any real punch. It's sad really. Oh well.

2. Robin Hood-
 Like the Tourist, Robin Hood should, by name alone, have been a great film. You have talented actors like Russell Crowe who excel in action movies. You have Cate Blanchett who could read the phone book and win the Oscar. You have Mark Strong, William Hurt, Kevin Durand, Scott Grimes, Matthew MacFadyen and Danny Huston rounding out the cast, all of which are pretty good actors. You have Mystic River writer Brian Helgeland doing the screenplay and Ridley Scott directing it. It should have been epic. Like the Tourist the trailers for this were epic. The origin story to one of the greatest legends of all time. What we got was a plodding film with little to no action until the climax and way, way to much free time. This movie could have been 80 minutes and would have been much better. Instead it was over 2 hours. And most of that time was wasted. The saddest news is there might be a sequel and if it's anything like this, I'm worried.

1. The Wolfman-
The whole reason is posted in my Worst Movie of 2010 section but I'll say this. It earned it's spot as the most disappointing film of 2010. So congrats?

Well that does it for my Worst/Most Disappointing Movies of 2010 list. I'll be back tomorrow with more of my Top/Best lists of 2010. Hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think in the comments.


  1. I accept TRON and Robinhood are Worst Movies of 2010. But I don't think 'The Tourist' is in the List. Its pretty Average Movie. Cheers.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. I am so glad you're here to see these crap films so I don't have to. I'm happy to say I've only seen ONE of your ten "worst" films: The Wolfman, which was MY worst film of the year.

    As for the most, looking at your list is actually incredibly depressing. Robin Hood, Iron Man 2, Tron, Due Date...they all should have been so much better than they were.

  4. To me, in regards to my expectations and what I actually got out of it, the worst and most disappointing was definitely 'Jonah Hex', followed closely by 'Clash of the Titans'.