Friday, February 25, 2011

"You better start sounding like her before you scare someone." "How's this...SWING LOW, SWEET CHARI*nut shot*"

 Hello I am the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will.

There is something incredibly wrong in this world. No it's not the war, famine, and hate in the world today (although those are issues that do need to be addressed in the future). No it is the fact that there is another Big Momma's House in the world and instead of going straight to DVD, it went into theaters where people who work hard for their money go to have some fun. And I guarantee when they walk out of Big Momma's House 3,  they will feel cheated out of their money and will have at no point had what people would classify as "fun." And it's sad really. Brandon T Jackson and Martin Lawrence are both funny men with a lot of talent, Lawrence especially. I mean we are talking about MDPD detective Marcus Burnett here! But sadly instead of seeing him in a good quality film we are forced to watch him make poop jokes and pratfalls, all while wearing a fat suit. Eddie Murphy called, he's trying to warn you not to follow his career path.

But I guess people will inevitably watch this so I might as well go about this like a normal review. *Sigh*

Malcolm Turner is an FBI agent and master of disguise. His character of "Big Momma" has helped him solve many a crime and has kind of become his go to standard whilst working undercover. His son Trent wants to become a rapper known as "Prodi-G" instead of attending Duke and getting an education. Malcolm wants him to get an education but Trent is persistent. So persistent that while Sherry, Malcolm's wife and Trent's mom, is on vacation Trent follows Malcolm while he's working and tries to get him to sign a contract allowing him to pursue a career in rap music. This leads to Trent witnessing a hit go down and to prevent Trent from getting killed himself, Malcolm decides that Trent and him should go undercover as Big Momma and Big Momma's great niece "Charmaine" and hide out at a performing arts school for girls where Charmaine will attend and Big Momma will work as a den mother. 

This leads to two love stories in the film, one between Trent/Charmaine and a classmate of his named Haley, and one between Big Momma and Kurtis Kool, the janitor. With Trent/Charmaine it's hard because Trent/Charmaine really likes Haley but doesn't want to give up his identity and with Big Momma and Kurtis, Big Momma don't want none of what he's giving. All the while the people responsible for the hit are after Malcolm and their ventures lead them to the performing arts school as well.

The story is competent, but really lacks any pizazz or anything other than the cookie cutter stereotypes that you've probably gathered just from reading this plot synopsis. If you think it will happen, chances are it does. But the competent storytelling is destroyed by the utter lack of humor or jokes that don't involve poop, anything to do with the groin area or pratfalls because trust me they do them a plenty. And fat jokes but considering this whole movie is based around a man dressed as an overly large black woman, they almost seem to come with the territory. I maybe got one chuckle out of the whole movie and that was neither from Lawrence nor Jackson. No it was from Faizon Love who plays Kurtis Kool. And that joke was in the previews so watch them and you should have all the humor in one convenient place. The acting is competent as well but really when your film sucks as much as this one, you hardly notice acting skills.

I'm gonna get straight to the point here and not bore you any longer. This film is a bomb. It shouldn't have been made and whoever green lit it needs to be beaten. Everyone in this film can do much better and the writers needed to spend more time on character development and real humor instead of potty humor that most people over the age of 13 find immature. There could have been a decent film in here somewhere but it is buried so deep that it is nearly impossible to find. Skip this trash and wait for Bad Boys 3.


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