There *is* no bathroom!

Hello I am the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will.

Getting sick and tired yet of seeing Arnold's mug posted on my site? Too bad because this is number 7 of my Top 10 Arnold favorites countdown which means we have six movies left. Will your favorite be number 1? I honestly don't know and remember this is opinion and not fact so I will probably piss some people off and for that I am sorry (unless you are the people who like Junior...I hate you). After 3 semi or pretty serious Arnold action movies I thought my number seven pick should be one of his comedies. And so I picked one of my personal favorites, or at least one of the one's I remember the most, Kindergarten Cop.

The story of Kindergarten Cop is not like a Baby Genius thing like it sounds at first. No its about Detective John Kimble, a total hardass and overly violent who goes on the hunt for a drug dealer named Crisp. When Crisp is finally arrested they can't get him convicted. So what does he do? Go undercover as a kindergarten teacher to find the mother and son of Crisp so that they strike up a deal and get Crisp behind bars....I cannot believe I just wrote that. The original substitute teacher, Kimble's partner, gets sick and so Kimble has to become the teacher. Hijinks and hilarities ensue.

It's dumb, it has bad one liners, and it has laughable acting and a weak story. But because it has Arnold it is awesome. Here's what I mean

And many more. Imagine this movie if it would have been a different actor. It wouldn't be as awesome. I grew up with this movie and while its a crappy movie, Arnold makes it amazing and a guilty pleasure that I still watch to this day.

MY VERDICT: RENT IT

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Hello I am the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will.

Well time for number eight on my Top 10 Arnold Schwarzenegger countdown and today we are going to talk about one of his nineties action movies known simply as Eraser. By the time the nineties rolled around Arnold had already established himself as a badass among men and arguably one of the best action stars around. In the nineties classics such as T2, Total Recall and Last Action Hero came out so it was pretty safe to assume that his career was pretty cemented as an awesome action star. Granted he also made Junior, Kindergarten Cop and Jingle All the Way in this time period also cementing him as a walking punchline but we always remember his action movies more anyway.

Enough rambling now onto the action. Eraser is the story of US Marshall John Kruger who has the delightful nickname of The Eraser. He works specifically for WITSEC (aka Witness Protection Program) and has just been recently given the job of protecting scientist Lee Cullen (Vanessa Williams...stay with me) She works for the Cyrez Corporation who makes military weapons. When Cyrez plans on selling electronic pulse rifles to Russian terrorists, she finds out and becomes the only witness to their evil plan. William Donahue (James Cromwell) now wants Lee dead and so WITSEC sends Kruger to protect her. Essentially chaos ensues, stuff gets blown up, people get shot, trains get derailed...the usual Arnold stuff.

What I enjoy about this movie is the speed. I know that sounds weird but its a fast paced action movie. Its a Michael Bay movie before Michael Bay except that it doesn't suck (BURN). The gunfire is fast paced, the one liners are snappy and actually clever, and Arnold has mastered the art of badassery. Vanessa Williams detracts a lot from the awesome as she really can't act all that well but great character actors like James Cromwell and even James Caan make up for her lackluster performance. The scale of the film is also quite well done.

Overall its a great 90s action movie and while not his best film ever it certainly showed everyone that Arnold just gets better with age it seems. So if you love Arnold action then check this one out.

MY VERDICT: SEE IT

You wanna be a farmer? Here's a couple of acres!

Hello I am the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will.

YOW! Welcome back to the number 9 addition of my top 10 favorite Schwarzenegger films of all time in celebration of Schwarzenegger month. This time we are tackling one of his lesser loved movies but still a classic in my opinion Last Action Hero.

Last Action Hero is the story of Jack Slater. Jack is a tough as nails cop who will do anything and everything inside and outside the law to catch the bad guys. He's the guy with nothing to lose ect ect (insert clever action movie trailer sentence here). There is only one major flaw with Slater. He is not real. Jack Slater is an action movie character played by Arnold Schwarzenegger. So let me get this straight...Arnold Schwarzenegger is playing himself playing Jack Slater? Oh boy I am too tired to be reviewing this. Anyway the story REALLY focuses on Danny Madigan a New Yorker who loves movies. He pals around with Nick played by Robert Prosky who owns the theater. One day Nick gives Danny a magical ticket that transports Danny into a Jack Slater movie. Now with Danny in the film, Jack and Danny now have to both solve crimes together and Danny has to find a way to get out.

You know what I love about this movie? The movie world. Everything about it is made for a movie buff like me and every time I watch it I still laugh out loud. Seeing Robert Patrick as the T2, Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct, Stallone on the cover of Terminator, and the wild stereotypes and tongue in cheek pokes at the industry make this movie awesome to me. The acting (aside from Arnold) is honestly pretty subpar and kind of boring in some spots. Danny comes off as a whiny know it all sometimes and the villain is kind of uninteresting. Also another big flaw with the movie is the useless cameos. It was like they were there to be there. It made no sense for some of them to be there and was kind of distracting.

But besides the aforementioned jokes what makes this movie awesome is Arnold. Arnold is awesome in this movie BECAUSE he is playing ARNOLD. He gets to be the stereotype that everybody knows and love. He spews one liners, is totally ignorant to the real world (even butchers his own real name), blows things up, uses doors when he feels like it and is just awesome to watch. If you go into an Arnold movie you know what to expect.

As much crap as we give him Arnold is always in top form and while this movie has some seriously weird plot holes/situations/cameos that detract from the awesomness, this is still a great Arnold movie and number 9 on my top 10 Arnold movies of all time.

MY VERDICT: RENT IT