Don't hassle me about crumbs man, because I am on the edge of the edge.

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Hello I am the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will.

A film that was considered so bad that it was almost sent straight to DVD and then almost cancelled altogether before getting enough backing to send it to theaters briefly. That sentence should almost guarantee this film gets my lowest rating. On top of that both the stars and the director apologized for the film. But while Envy IS a bad film, it does have enough of a redeeming value to make it semi watchable, mostly in part to overly silly sight gags and of course Mr. Chris Walken.

The plot of Envy follows two best friends named Tim and Nick (played by Stiller and Black). They both live semi-normal lives but Nick is always trying to think of get rich quick schemes. One day he invents VaPOOrize and gets rich of it. Tim was given the option of investing in the company but blew it off. Now Tim is pissed and green with envy while Nick is completely blissfully ignorant at how his friend feels. Eventually Tim meets a drifter named J-Man (Walken) who becomes Tim's partner in trying to bring down Nick and become rich themselves.

The plot's really not that bad but most to all of the non-Walken jokes really fall on their face. Add that on to lazy direction and poor cinematography and this becomes an ugly film all around. Stiller is his usual spastic self and that gets old quickly and as for Jack Black...well he plays Jack Black. By now you like the man or you hate his guts. I'm in the former so I thought he was pretty good in this. The rest of the cast is okay but forgettable which is sad because Amy Poehler is usually always pretty funny and Rachel Weisz is a good actress. But they get shoved under the bus and carried away once Black and Walken walk in. Walken does great as usual and his wild wig and his mannerisms are great in this film. Overall he makes the film watchable and I found myself skipping to scenes with him in it most of the time.

Overall Envy is a poorly written, directed and shot film with decent but forgettable acting (sans Black and Walken) and overall a pretty disappointing film.

MY VERDICT: AVOID IT

What part of "sudden death" didn't you understand?

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Hello I am the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will.

I'm actually a huge fan of Reno 911. The show is hilarious, the characters are memorable and my two favorite characters are Dangle and Junior. So why is it that a movie, directed and written by Dangle and Junior (Ben Garant and Tom Lennon) sucks so hard? Now I'm not saying it's the worst movie ever, I've seen plenty worse, but this movie is a prime example of when comedy doesn't work. It does have a saving grace *cough who do you think?* but overall it's just not a good film.

Dan Fogler plays Randy Daytona, an Olympic table tennis player. After losing at the 98 Olympics, being publicly humiliated and his father killed by the Triad, Randy goes into hiding. 19 years later Randy is working at a casino doing table tennis routines. After being kicked out he is wrangled in by the FBI to take down Feng (Walken), a notorious criminal. He's trained by a blind man named Wong and eventually he finds himself in a tournament in which the winner takes on Feng to the death.

It has its moments of funny but Balls of Fury in the long run just isn't that funny. Without Walken's hilarious portrayal of Feng, which is probably the saving grace, this film would have been unbearable to sit through. Luckily there is enough Feng to make it bearable. Overall though the acting, sans Walken, is terrible, the writing is terrible, the directing is terrible and the plot is unoriginal and boring.

I wanted this movie to be better but in the long run it just wasn't. A sad role for Walken.

MY VERDICT: ABOMINATION TO CINEMA

Fried food can kill me, a mugger can kill me. You're not so special down here, Jones!

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Hello I am the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will.

Well the Prophecy series has reached its end...well there WERE two movies after but they don't count because Walken wasn't in them. So does Prophecy 3: The Ascent live up to the other two movies standards? Well that answer is really hard. It's both yes and no. In a lot of ways Prophecy does well from a trilogy standpoint by bringing almost all of the plot points to a close and giving closure to the viewer. Add onto that Christopher Walken's amazing performance (as usual) and his even crazier outfits and wigs and some good action and special effects and you'd think that it would be the best. Well IMDB, for the most part at least, does in fact believe this. But even as a fan of the series I do have to admit that besides these couple of points I mentioned, the film really does lack in other areas.

The main issue however is the acting. Vincent Spano and Dave Buzzota, who are good actors (Spano recently did great playing Virgil in the Dante's Inferno video game and animated movie while Buzzota I mostly remember being good in She's All That) they just really lack in their roles here. Spano, who plays Zapheal comes off as a little too stiff and robotic and doesn't ever feel truly menacing. He's supposed to be the villain but gets out shined by Walken every time. Even when he is truly being foreboding he never really is. As Buzzota he is playing our main character Danyael. He is supposed to be half angel, half man in yet he can't seem to hold his own too well. At times he even feels a bit dopey, never really fitting in with his "hero" role. Maybe a bigger focus on Walken would have been much better in my opinion as he was already an established character and has much more presence as a "hero" type.

Well that's all my complaints now onto the story:

The story takes place 18 years after the second one ended. The war in heaven is still going on, people are pissed, angels are pissed and Danyael, a half human, half angel hybrid and was prophesied as the one who would end the war. Well Zapheal will have none of this and makes it his mission to take out Danyael. But Gabriel, now human and having switched sides, makes it his duty to protect him. Fighting, special effects and speeches ensue.

Overall it's an okay film with decent acting that works because of Walken and good writing. Watch the first two for sure but think before watching this one.

MY VERDICT: RENT IT

There's a small step from prophet to martyr. Can you take it?

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Hello I am the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will.

This third edition of Christopher Walken month brings to you the sequel to the Prophecy (known as God's Army) known simply as The Prophecy II. Bringing back Walken as Gabriel in a larger role, featuring a young Britney Murphy and appearances from Russell Wong, Jennifer Beals and Eric Roberts the Prophecy II proves to be a worthy sequel to a good horror film.

The story this time around is Gabriel is back and he isn't happy. He has returned from Hell (he was killed in the first movie) and is determined to find a Nephilim "monkey" (the offspring of an angel and a human) who is destined to precede reconciliation between the two angel factions that are going at it. Thomas, from the first movie, now a monk delivers this news and Gabriel makes damn sure to try to stop it. Danyael is the angel who seduced and impregnated the woman (whose name would turn out to be Valerie) who would give birth to the Nephilim. Soon after Gabriel kills Thomas for not helping him and after things don't go well for his army he instead does this:

Gabriel takes this girl, Izzy, who just committed suicide and recruits her to help him to find the girl since Gabriel can't work any technology. Here's a prime example:


Eventually the movie climaxes in a battle at Eden (yes THAT Eden) and Gabriel kills Danyael. Valerie, in a desperation move, grabs Gabriel and throws herself off a building which only ends up impaling Gabriel on a spike. The angel Michael turns him human and the movie ends with the war culminating for an exciting battle.

I actually almost PREFERRED this film because while it has it's semi scary moments, it really showcases Walken's dry wit and humor about everything and he has SO many great lines in the film. The rest of the acting is sharp and the writing is really good, considering this IS the middle part.

Overall good action, great Walken, good acting, good story, good writing...so basically a GOOD movie.

MY VERDICT: SEE IT

Do you know how you got that dent, in your top lip? Way back, before you were born, I told you a secret, then I put my finger there and I said Shhhhh!

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Hello I am the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will.

Welcome to the second edition of "Christopher Walken Appreciation Month." In this edition and the next two editions we will be covering a series of films that are loved and hated by many people: The Prophecy series. The first three films are great, mostly because they feature a more kick ass version of Walken, but also because Heaven vs Hell movies tend to be pretty good, or at least they WERE. The Prophecy series is a prime example of how H vs H movies really DO work so without further ado let's take a look into the first one.

The film starts with an image you don't usually see: an angel standing over a skeleton. A voiceover reveals to the audience that another war has broken out in heaven and that the angels are divided now and fighting each other. Thomas, a soon to be ordained priest, sees visions of this and abandons the church to become an LAPD officer having lost his faith after seeing the visions. Thomas arrives home one day to find the angel from the opening, named Simon, sitting in his room. After talking for a bit Simon departs leaving Thomas confused.

The next day Simon gets into a fight with another angel, getting seriously injured, but kills the angel before his heart gets ripped out. Thomas arrives at the crime scene (the angel took human form) and, at the apartment which Simon was staying at, finds a book he was studying at seminary. Simon goes after an evil soul of a man that just died while Thomas goes to the coroners. When there he finds the non-existent 23rd chapter of Revelations and translates it. Soon after Gabriel (Walken) shows up looking for Simon. Basically from there Simon meets a schoolteacher, puts the evil soul in a kid, Thomas and Gabriel chase down Simon, Simon gets killed, Gabriel is evil, Satan shows up, confrontation, Gabriel gets killed and sent to hell, and Thomas regains his faith.

It's a very intricate and intriguing story whether you are someone of faith or not. The acting is great all around, the effects are cool, Walken is badass and it has some truly good scare moments. The writing is pretty good, albeit a bit heavy handed at times but overall pretty good. A decent horror movie if you can get your hands on it.

MY VERDICT: SEE IT

Your door's not thick enough to pretend you're not home when you're home.

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Hello I am the movie encyclopedia and if no one else will see it, I will.

Welcome to the first edition of what I like to call "Christopher Walken Appreciation Month!" This is where I take a look at all of the films (that I own or have seen) that stare the one and only Christopher Walken. In some he has a starring role and in some he is only in for a few minutes. But whether it's three hours or three minutes, all of it is awesome. So without further ado and since it IS April Fool's, let's start with arguably his weakest film (which is saying a lot): Gigli.

Gigli is a horrific film with an even more horrific plot. Larry Gigli is a mobster. But he's not a cool mobster or a mob boss...no instead he is a low level muscle who has been assigned to kidnap the mentally challenged brother of a federal prosecutor. Why? Because the mob boss, who is in jail right now, believes that he can make a deal with the prosecutor if he holds the brother ransom. But Gigli's boss Louis doesn't think that he is up for the task and hires Ricki, a tough lesbian whom Larry falls for. Baywatch, retard, blood, corpse and thumb jokes ensue and that's about it. A dumb comedy with weird partner chemistry, oddly dark jokes and bad pacing.

The one good thing about this movie is this: Walken, a detective, wanting pie and getting in Larry's face.

I just saved you an hour and a half of crap. You are welcome. That being said this scene is awesome and proves that Walken is amazing in every sense of the word. The rest of the acting is stupid and painfully bad.

Bad story, bad plot, bad romance, bad acting but awesome Walken.

Stay tuned for more Walken month.

MY VERDICT: ABOMINATION TO CINEMA